Stella died and went to heaven. When she got there, she noticed that at a particular part of heaven, God kept some clocks.
So she decided to ask her guardian angel what those clocks are used for.
Stella: [to the angel] Please tell me, what are all these clocks for
Angel: They are lie clocks. Whenever you tell a lie, it would move.
So Stella and the angel decided to explore the whole area.
They found Obafemi Awolowo’s clock, and discovered that the hand never moved which means that Awolowo never told us a lie.
They also found Herbert maculy’s clock, the hand also was still stagnant which means that he too never told us a lie
They also found Nnamdi Azikiwe’s clock and discovered the hand move twice, which means Azikiwe, lied to us only twice.
Finally she asked the angel to permit her to see her husband’s clock Obsanjo
The angel however responded her saying; your husband’s clock is in God’s office. It has become a ceiling fan.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if y ou can raed tihs forwrad it.
1. Insult upon injury
2. Nonsense and Ingredient
3. If i sound u ehh, I will soon slap you
4. How Far?
5. Can i see your particulars?
6. Anything for me sir? anything for boys?
7. Are you mad?
8. Half-caste
9. Next tomorrow
10. Make i come block you dia
11. Lie, Lie
12. See me see trouble oh
13. Shift for me let me sit
14. abeg vamus!
15. nonsense, say wetin happen?
16. Abomination!
17. Over my dead body
18. God forbid bad thing
19. I need to retouch my hair
20. any word with 'bloody' eg bloody fool, bloody liar
21. Na wa oooo
22. Tell me something
23. Why do you want to know my name?
24. I beg joo
25. Can u imagine.....
26. wonders shall never end....
27. Tufiakwa
28. Chei, Kai
29. Oya
30. Hold on I want to branch somewhere
31. Come and Escort Me
32. Stop at that junction over there
33. Borrow me your pen/biro
34. Still yet
35. Me and you go enter the same trouser
36. You are so annoying
37. Why? Because Y has a long tail and 2 branches
38. What is the time? Quarter To buy your own
39. Effico
40. ITK- I too know
41. Mumu
42. How are you? 'We're managing'
43. and so what?
44. I want some assorted biscuits eg Rich tea, Digestive
45. Your face looks familiar
46. You are so daft
47. NFA- No future ambition
48. Are you already ready?
49. That was so dry!
50. My belly is full
51. Did they sack you?
52. I trekked all the way here
53. Where is the toilet, I want to ****
54. I want to drink cold mineral
55. Which ones now?
56. He was trying to toast me
57. Jacker
58. Your head is not correct
59. Have you seen that film before?
60. Just imagine!
61. My school fees money
62. No wahala!
63. Revise back small
64. Oya, shake body
65. Shine your eye
66. Carry go
67. Don't try me o 68. Enough effizzy
69. Nna, You chop?
70. What happen?
71. We go wash am o!
72. Eeyin, but why? (meaning ore/aboki/friend-- why now?)
73. You yab gon!
74. No be soooo!
75. I will see you today, athink?
76. Cold iced water!
77. Your Pepper don rest! (you are loaded in terms of cash)
An ibo man driving in his brand new BMW Z8 pulls over to take a leak. A truck speeding down the street crashes into his door just as he`s about to come out of his car, sending it flying off the hinges. Enraged, he uses his cell phone to call police emergency number. When the police arrives he explains what happened "Oga Police officer, di man jus come smash off de door a mi BMW!! My $39.000 car is now write off to rass!!" The police, after surveying the scene shakes his head in amazement and says, "You Ibos are so materialistic. You`re so into the damage of your car door, that you didn`t even realize that your hand has been ripped of with the door!!" The guy, finally realizing this, looks at his amputated hand and screams out , "Chineke!! Mi rolex!!!"
A guy goes to visit his doctor. Here is the conversation that ensued.
"Don't laugh!" said the patient.
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," the patient said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery..
Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor.. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now ... what seems to be the problem?"
